F*ck this.

I'm really fed up right about now. I'm fed up with the way my body looks and the way it makes me feel. I'm fed up of being the only one eating in my friendship group. I hate being the one who's associated with food and can't be without it, the one who has to have a piece of every cookie. Because I don't. I don't need food.  I'm fed up of the smarmy comments about how I can't go a school day without eating.

I said the other day that I only had a small lunch. One of my friends said 'How are you gonna survive on that? You won't be full, you'll need more.'

I didn't know what to say. I just stood there, feeling like a fucking blimp. I hate having people see me like that. Yes. I do like food, surely that's a good thing? I don't excess eat. I have the occasional treat. But now I feel like that is too much. I feel like I'm a fat person who can't survive three hours without something to eat.

I said to one of them yesterday that I was fed up of being the one who was 'always' eating. I told her that I'm now on a diet and cutting down on the amount of food I bring to school so that I don't feel like a blimp stood next to them all. She said 'You don't need to go on a diet, you're slim as you are'. I replied. 'If I'm so fucking perfect, how come I feel like a blimp? How come I feel like the one who always has food in her mouth and can't stop for shit? How come I feel like this?'

Well, lets just say she didn't know how to respond to that. I'm sick and tired of being the one who receives the 'jokey' comments. "Oh Hannah isn't eating she must be ill, she never misses a break-time snack or lunch"

Every single comment makes me feel 10pounds heavier. I'm now cutting down on my food. I want to be slimmer. I want to show my friends that I can survive without food. I don't want to be the one associated with food anymore. I hate it, and I hate myself at the moment. And I'm fed up with the way my 'friends' act towards the issue.

what. the. hell.

My old love for Avril Lavigne has come back. She used to be my favourite music artist back when I was 12 years old. Oh the memories. But then sadly she disappeared off the music scene for a little while. And now she is back! Major excitement! She inspires me so much, her along with Taylor Swift and my mother. Those 3 women inspire me the most.

I remember the first time I brought an Avril Lavigne CD. I was on holiday with my family in Scotland and wanted to spend some money. I must have been about 8 years old. And I saw 'Let Go' On the shelf, so I bought it. I listen to the songs today and memories of that holiday come flooding back.

Then there was 'Under My Skin'. I got it as a birthday present, didn't listen to it much, but then Year 7 came along and I couldn't stop listening to 'My Happy Ending'. 'The Best Damn Thing' followed after that, and I remember desperately wanting that album and being so happy when I got it at Christmas.

Then Avril Lavigne went away *sad face*. But now she is back with her new single 'What The Hell' and her new album 'Goodbye Lullaby' is out in March! BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ! I honestly cannot wait! <3

I think Avril Lavigne (like Taylor Swift) is one of the most beautiful girls in the whole world. I want to look like her, be like her. I want THAT hair. It's amazing and I wish I had hair like that. But most of all I want that confidence. The ability to just say how I feel or what I want without doubting or thinking about what other people will think of me. Avril Lavigne makes me feel good about myself in so many different ways. She's an inspiration.