F*ck this.

I'm really fed up right about now. I'm fed up with the way my body looks and the way it makes me feel. I'm fed up of being the only one eating in my friendship group. I hate being the one who's associated with food and can't be without it, the one who has to have a piece of every cookie. Because I don't. I don't need food.  I'm fed up of the smarmy comments about how I can't go a school day without eating.

I said the other day that I only had a small lunch. One of my friends said 'How are you gonna survive on that? You won't be full, you'll need more.'

I didn't know what to say. I just stood there, feeling like a fucking blimp. I hate having people see me like that. Yes. I do like food, surely that's a good thing? I don't excess eat. I have the occasional treat. But now I feel like that is too much. I feel like I'm a fat person who can't survive three hours without something to eat.

I said to one of them yesterday that I was fed up of being the one who was 'always' eating. I told her that I'm now on a diet and cutting down on the amount of food I bring to school so that I don't feel like a blimp stood next to them all. She said 'You don't need to go on a diet, you're slim as you are'. I replied. 'If I'm so fucking perfect, how come I feel like a blimp? How come I feel like the one who always has food in her mouth and can't stop for shit? How come I feel like this?'

Well, lets just say she didn't know how to respond to that. I'm sick and tired of being the one who receives the 'jokey' comments. "Oh Hannah isn't eating she must be ill, she never misses a break-time snack or lunch"

Every single comment makes me feel 10pounds heavier. I'm now cutting down on my food. I want to be slimmer. I want to show my friends that I can survive without food. I don't want to be the one associated with food anymore. I hate it, and I hate myself at the moment. And I'm fed up with the way my 'friends' act towards the issue.