♥

I just want you back.

I had a lovely christmas this year. My aunt came over, she's been on her own for a few years now, after my nan died, so my dad invited her to spend christmas with us. In the evening when she had gone home, me, my dad, my mum and my sister sat talking about my nan. About her christmas pudding, and how i would have liked it. I never got to try it, she was always in a wheelchair from when i was little, and then she was confined to her bed. She never got the chance to make it again.

My dad was telling us all these stories about how lovely she was when he was a child. He was closer to his nan than he was to his own parents. Then he told me something that really upset me, it really got to me. My nan lived to be 98 years old. For about 4-5 years she was in her bed. Never leaving her bedroom. We all thought she was going to go a few months after she was told she had to stay in her bed. But she kept on going. My dad told me, that the only reason she kept on living was for me, my little sister and my cousin Ben. It made me so happy to know she did that. She must have been in pain, but she lived for those visits from us. I'd give anything to have just one visit again. I miss her so much and it hurts at christmas when she isn't there, it hurts on boxing day when we don't go over to see her and have another christmas day there. It hurts even going over there with her room still empty.

It upsets me and pains me to know she won't be there so see me pass my GCSE's, or see me get married. She would have been 101 this year. But she never got to see that birthday. And sadly she'll see no more birthdays.

I'll never forget you nanny, the pictures may fade but my memories of you will never go away. ♥

buzz buzz buzz!

So it's Christmas Eve today! One more sleep until the fat man comes! I feel like such a little kid, getting all excited for Christmas. I just love spending time with family and vigourously opening the presents on Christmas morning. I love the smell of Christmas dinner cooking as well, I give myself the target of finishing Christmas dinner, I usually fail, but this year I will succeed!

My aunt is coming round this year, so me and Dad are going to go pick her up tomorrow after we've done the present unwrapping. I can guarantee my Dad will say later "Right. You two (me and Katie) are older now and don't need to get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow morning, so we'll get up about 8 and you can have your presents then." Tomorrow morning will come and at 4am he'll be up with my Mum, wanting to open the presents. At 6am, he'll yell "WAKEY WAKEY IT'S CHRISTMAS!" maan, you've got to love my Dad and his insanity!

I'm seeing my boyfriend today, and we're doing our present switching. He's off to Scotland for the new year so I won't see him until we go back to school probably. That's if he can get up there, the weather is horrendous!

I'm really looking forward to Christmas. A lot of people I know aren't feeling the Christmas buzz, but I am, they're just Scrooges!

Merry Christmas! :)
Hannah x

wooaah, long time no post.

i've been really busy the last few weeks, due to exams and everything. but it's the xmas holidays now so i have NO excuse.

life has got pretty hectic atm, and i'm pretty proud of myself. i recently got an A in my biology test, which was very good for me, B in R.E, and a C in history. I wasn't too pleased with my history mark, but my target grade is a B so i guess i'm working on par with that? i'll get better though as the year progresses.

i've got all my xmas shopping done, and gave out my friends xmas pressies on friday, i had to lug them to school in a big bag, as well as my p.e kit. i might as well have taken my whole house with me!

also found out the other day that this new boy in our group likes me. was surprising, but it was nice.

5 days until xmas! wooopiee! can't wait! my target is to finish my xmas dinner! i managed to complete it last year, and i intend to this year. i hope i feel better though, i barely ate yesterday and i'm only just starting to get my appetite back. i havn't been too well these last few days :( if i stay inside though for the next couple of days i should be ok. i shouldn't have gone out yesterday. it was waaaaay too cold for me, especially when you're ill!

anyway, i'll write soon!
merry christmas!
Hannah :) x

and i'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes.

i apologise now for the title. it was the lyric that was playing when i was trying to think of a title for this blog.

this is going to be happy post. because that is how i am feeling right now.
i've had a week to myself this week, i've been feeling a bit down recently as you know, and i started developing feelings for another boy. when i have boyfriend, so i felt like a bitch. but i told my mum i wanted space to be myself, and i got that. and now i realise that it was just admiration for this boy, and that i am in love with my boyfriend. this space has made me realise just how much he means to me. i never acted on my feelings with this other boy. i still loved my boyfriend, and i thought i liked him too. i posted that blog because my feeling were confusing me, i thought i loved him. but i guess i didn't.

i've got my welsh friend coming tomorrow. she's been ill the last two days, but she's better now, and coming in tomorrow for our non uniform day and our sleepover ^_^ i love her accent. the welsh accent is amazing. she tried to teach me a word in welsh, but i screwed it up and gave up. it was too confusing for my small brain :D

taylor swift is my new obsession. i love her new album. it's like her songs are my feelings in song form. she knows just how i'm feeling. and she's also so damn gorgeous! she's brought a smile to my face. and i love belting her songs out when i'm getting ready in the morning.

homework has been piling this week. i managed to survive a whole half term of year 10 with hardly any homework. but now they decide to dump it on me -.- great. 3rd december is the day of my controlled assessment. basically i have to write an essay on texting in english to go toward my final GCSE english grade. currently on an A from that speaking and listening exam i was shitting myself about.

i also finished my book yesterday. i love the feeling of achievement i get when i finish a book. another one to add to my collection. it was 'family album' by danielle steel. she is my favourite writer. she has taught me the meaning of so many intellectual words. she is the reason for my english grades going up. my mum always said if i read more my grades would go up. and she was right. so i started reading danielle steel books. and in a term my grade had gone up from a 6C to a 7C. i was sooo proud of myself. now i'm working at A's :) i feel like such a boff ^-^ but in a good way. i want to succeed and besides reading is fun. a book is another world and you can really connect and feel the characters. like they are your friends. but sadly the book has to end and the characters go away. but you can then start a new book and meet new characters :D

anyway. i'm going now. i hope you enjoyed reading my post like i enjoy reading yours.
tschuss!

Life is never easy. You just have to deal with it.

I feeling a little happier now. He is still on my mind 24/7 but I guess I like it that way. I do love him, he's the only thing I think about. He makes me happy. So I'm going to embrace that.

My friends and family have really proven themselves the last few days. I've also come closer to this new welsh girl! She's absolutely lovely and me and my best friend are hanging around with her on Saturday. Hopefully our friendship can blossom and she'll become one of my closest friends.

 I've had a smile on my face constantly lately. It's made everything better. Taylor Swift's song 'Never Grow Up' made me want to stay young forever. When all I've wanted for a while is to be an adult and run my own life. I guess I really do need my mummy all the time!

I did really well on my Chemistry test today. Got an A, 70%. This was even better for me seeing as I got a D in my physics on Friday and failed. So the A made up for my failure.

I'm happier at the moment. I hope my friends and family stay the same and I hope he stays with me for a long time.

Smile you beauties. Whenever life gets hard, show it your middle finger and smile through the pain!
Bye beautiful! <3

And I need you now tonight...

I woke up today to the same familiar face in my head. To the one I've woken up to for a long time. I can't shake him off. He won't go away. He won't set me free. I'm forever under his spell. I want to understand this feeling. I want to know how to handle it, so I don't ruin the relationships I have now. I don't want to feel this way. But when I say that I know it's a lie. Because I do want to love him. He's all I think about. He is my thoughts, he is my feeling. He is my life.

I don't like the way I feel. I want to feel happy, but he gives me that, he gives me happiness and pleasure. But not in the ways that I want to feel that. I miss him when we're 'apart'. I miss him whenever I'm not doing something that involves him. I want him next to me, to hold me, to cherish me, to tell me he'll never let me go. I hang onto the hope. I hang onto the dreams I have when I fall asleep in the early hours of the morning. No matter how tired I am, he keeps me up. His eyes, his smile, his body...Him. I can't get over this. I don't want to feel this way forever. I want him forever. I want to spend my forever's with him. But what are the chances? I'm too young. I'm too ugly. I'm too much of a nothing.

The feeling of being a 'no body' to him just eats me alive. The feeling of  never being good enough for him. The feeling of being just another face in the crowd. When all he is, is too much for me. I'd never deserve him. He is 'perfect'. People say there is no 'perfect'. But there is. I've found it. If only he would think I was perfect. If only he cared about me, as much as I care about him. If only he saw.

If Only I hadn't fallen in love.

I ain't gonna live forever...

Most of my posts have been happy ones, about nice things, therefore I have been portraying myself as a happy, smiley teenager. But if I'm honest with you, I'm not. At this moment, I'm feeling rather down. I've not told anyone about this. I just can't. I'm feeling 'low'.

Things just seem useless at the moment. I only ever feel happiness when I look at him...and i'm pretty sure that is a bad thing. There should be more happiness in my life, but I can't make myself feel it. I can't force my heart to feel something she doesn't want to feel. She won't let me. She aches for him, longs for him. And all I can do is endure the pain she insists I feel. What can I do to end this? :/

I do have an amazing social circle. My friends mean the world, as do my family. But they just aren't giving me happiness. I know that sounds harsh, they do make me happy, and I love being around them, because to be fair, that's the only time he is off my mind.

I don't want to let him go. But my head is telling me that it's wrong. My head is telling me that I'm stupid, acting silly. That I should let him go. My heart is saying otherwise. She doesn't want to let him go, she wants to hold on to him, hold on to the hope. I don't know who do choose. How do I choose between my head and heart? Do I pick the clever thing? Or the one that results in the way I feel? I just wish I didn't feel like this. That I didn't ache for him so much, that I didn't want him to hug me and kiss me like I do. Why can't I let go?

I need time to get my head around the mess that has become my life. But too much is happening, and I can't keep up with everything. Man, being a teenager is hard.

click here.

i just wanted to show the world the gorgeous-ness that is my cat.

non-existant title.

i break up for the half term holidays on thursday, woo hoo! long awaited bliss. lie-ins and late nights. oh the joy.

but first i have an english assessment. oh. my. god. it's a speaking and listening, and it's an understatement if you say i'm 'shy'. although i have confidence in my english class. seeing as we've been together for 3 years. it naturally builds. i kinda got used to the idea that people aren't going to point at me and go 'haha you answered a question.' therefore confidence grew. a little. kind of.

it rained today, as it usually does in britian. i'm learning to like the rain, as long as i live in britian i might as well get used to it and learn to love it. everyone else. and by everyone i mean the girls. were complaining about their hair. to be fair, it was pouring it down. i just looked out of the window and smiled.

in chemistry we watched a video by dr.zeuss. or seuss? however it's spelt. it was the called 'the lorax' and it was about sustainability. the monster, kind of like the 'green eggs and ham' monster? made 'thneeds' which were like snoods, out of the leaves of this tree, which got wiped out, and the lorax was this little monster who jumped out complaining saying 'i speak for the trees!'. it was good. :)

i'm going to the fair on friday with my friends. i can't wait for the waltzers. they have to be my favourite ride. ever. especially when they go super fast. a lot of my friends get ill after, but i have a stomach of steel and am on the next ride in 5 minutes. they need to get some balls!

oh and i'm feeling clever today. got my german result back today. A*!!!!! i was sooooo proud of myself. and my teacher was too, i love her. :)

ciao!

this is my blog post.

it's 10am. and i'm sat on my computer. and i'll probably be sat here for most of today. i really have become a hermit, need to sort that out!

both parents are at work again, so i'm left in the house with my sister, who has the biggest gob known to mankind. joy. although she is keeping quiet atm, so hopefull this state of calm with last. i bought new school trousers yesterday. i thought new look would have a decent selection, but all they had were pinstripe business ones, and my headteacher won't allow them, and i wouldn't be seen dead in them, talk about making me look fat. in the end though i did find a decent pair, funnily enough they're exactly the same pair that my bestfriend has. and she hasn't got told off for them. stupid head teacher being so picky. it's trousers for god sake, not a mohawk!

i also managed to persuade my mother to buy me P.S i love you. i'd read the book because my best friend lent it to me, she's lending me all of the Cecelia Ahern books she has, they're really good. READ THEM! her mother said P.S i love you. doesn't follow the book. it didn't really, but it was still sad and had the main parts in it. i cried alot, i knew i would, but not as much as i did. i think i need another cry today, so i'm going to watch it again :)

not long until half term now, *woot* i could really use a week of not getting up until 10am. weekends consisting of two days are not enough time off! why can't it be two days of school and five days of weekends? man i hate my school -.- although my mum tells me that your school days are the best days of your life. or you'll want to go back to school when you leave. well we'll see about that when the time comes won't we? 

i was looking at prom dresses the other day. i know i'm only in year 10, but it doesn't hurt to look, just like it doesn't hurt to put christmas decorations up in october! (the garden centres around here do it around this time of year). and they looked really nice, although i'm not getting mine from the shop i was looking in, my mum knows someone who knows someone who makes them. if that makes sense? :L so mum is letting me have mine made. anyway at the shop, the guy who owns it or was just working there said that when you buy a dress from their shop they don't sell the same one to anyone from the same school as you so you don't turn up wearing the same one. just imagine turning up in the same dress as someone else, how embarassing would that be?! 

anyway i'm going now. 

tschuss!  

-insert title here-

i havn't written in a while, but that's because i've been mega busy!

i had my birthday couple of weeks ago, got alot of things, the JLS book was one of my favourite presents, read it in a day *woot*, and my mum's work friend got me the JLS card, so atm she's my most favourite person :P.

i had an english exam yesterday. FML. but it was alright i suppose? thank god i'm not thick, and it was only foundation level :L so it wasn't THAT hard.

one of my boy mates is leaving the school. he thinks he's going to a better school, but in the town we live in and the country tbh, is there any good schools? everyone will think that their school is shit, it's just human nature to want more and hate what we've got, you have to learn to appreciate what you have got, and stop wanting so much, then you'll achieve a good state of happiness.

i'm still on my loose-weight scheme, working out regularly, and i think i'm doing well, although i'm too scared to get on the scales, mainly because i'm afraid of the number that will flash right back up at me.

i'm off shopping today, need new school trousers and school stuff, and NEW iPod HEADPHONES! mine have only gone and cocked up! -.- argh! that pissed me off. and i'm also very proud of myself this morning, and this isn't really that big a thing to most people, but to me it is, i FRIED an EGG. yes, I managed to cook something without screwing up! at least i'm decent at something. i need to learn to cook, so whilst both parents were at work and the sister was still in dreamland, i got out the frying pan and got to it! success.

well that's all for now,
au revoir!

teenage phases

so it's my birthday on monday. rather good i think. turning 15, seems pretty big to me at the moment :) i get birthday cake too! i'm going to have to burn that off :/ i'm fat you see. i need to loose weight sharpish. i don't want to be morbidly obese. did you know that the UK is the second fattest country in the world! compared to other countries we are tiny, so something like that is rather ma-hoo-sive. and i don't want to be one of those fat people. so starting yesterday i'm on a diet and intending to loose weight. i want to be at least 6.5/7 stone by december. hopefully this will be achieved.

everyone tells me i'm slim, but they just don't see me the way i see myself. i see fat thighs, and a podgy stomach. i also see a face that has spots (arrgh!) and hair that won't stay straight at all. it's fair to say i have a lot of body-hate going on atm. and i hate it, help?!

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

I hate making decisions. i always pick the wrong choice, and then everything comes tumbling down. anyway, i'm faced with a new one. i really love Frankie Sandford's hair. A lot. and i'm considering having my hair done the same way...but i'm unsure if it will suit me?

the look i want...

what my hair looks like.

i'm still deciding what to do, so if anyone reading this has opinions, let me know, because i want to have a vague idea before i pitch it to my mother. thanks a bunch.

love and hugs.

bye.

                                                      

why hello again :)

so yet again, i'm posting in this blog on a saturday, starting to seem like a routine tbh :). anyway, i went swimming at the marriott today, my grandma works there so it's easy to get in. improved considerably, very proud of myself. we're going to my aunts house after dinner, which i am looking forward to, because i get to sit in the car and listen to my new Saturdays album and JLS on the way there and back, which is always good :). i'm rather looking forward to my dinner of lasagne, chips and onion rings, smells divine if i don't say so myself.

i had a decent week at school, year 10 isn't so bad so far. except my option IT class. it's not a bad subject, pretty fun actually as we are making a website. but i don't like the fact that i basically have. no one. :/ what a bummer. but ah well, mum says i'll get more done if i don't talk to anyone, so that's better i s'pose? :/ i had a 'controlled assessment' in english yesterday, went pretty good, it was writing, which is my best english subject basis thingy. it's a shame it doesn't count for anything, apparently it's just to get an idea of the level we are working at, so i guess it does count for something after all? apparently we have to do 'controlled assessments' because they've stopped coursework, some people used to use the internet or a utensil called MUM to do their coursework in the past, so they've stopped that. it's a shame that our first monitor point (proper assessment thing) is a speaking and  listening. i don't excel in that, better try really hard then :/ i've had fun maths lessons this week, the arithmatic is boring, but i sit next to my ex jamie, whom i'm really good friends with i like to belive, and my other friend kierron (also an ex, makes me seem like a whore, but they're the only two i swear) was throwing jaffa cakes across the room at us, and we were throwing them. yesterday it was maryland mini's because we run out of jaffa cakes *sad face*, but aarron (antoher friend, but NOT an ex.) crushed them up because he was annoyed. proberly because chelsea, a girl who did mine and jamie throwing for us, threw it and it bounced on his head. she yelled 'put a donk on it'. was funny.

but yeah i've had a good week, and i'm feeling good. and exctited. on tuesday it's my two year anniversary with my BF. yay.
speak soon
bye.

mein samstag...

my saturday, well it's been alright i s'pose. i went to town with mummaaaaa and got some ankle boots and a mirror. which i've been waiting a year for. literally. so yeah that was cool. i've been thinking about getting my hair cut like frankie sandford (the saturdays). i don't want to ask my mum yet because i've only just had my hair cut in the style that it's in like 4 months ago, and my bf has pretty long hair, so people will take the piss that his hair is longer than mine :/ shizzle. but i reeealy like her hair. i've been trying to get on to virtual hairstylists all afternoon but sadly my internet has been cocking up today, pooooooooooooo. i've been watching the saturdays 24/7 as well. i had nothing better to do so i'm doing that.

oh and JLS on paul o'grady? was a nice suprise seeing as i was going to watch it and then found out they were on, made my friday that did :) aston. one word. yummy ;). yes. yes. yes. i have an obsession with mr merrygold, but who doesn't?! ;)

anyway, i had my first full week of school this week. was alright, i'm liking this year more because i've ditched all the crappy subjects. which is all goooooooooood :) 

so yeah life is coming along good atm. and i bought the saturdays album today as well, it's amazing, well done ladieeeeees! <3

bye. MWAH!

year 10...

so i'm officially back at school now. went back on thursday, got mein timetable and went from there. it's alright atm i suppose. but i've only been back two days so i can't really judged it yet tbh. it does make me feel grown up. and i did have a right old chuckle to myself when key stage 3 dudeees were getting iBehaves for geography, tech and that. i sat there thinking 'muhahaha i ditched that, i never have to do that again.'. my teachers are pretty good, i have the same R.E teacher as last year (serious hot-ness), and my pdls teacher is good as well. that is if it's the one i think it is. y'know in waterloo road the teacher chris mead? yeah well this teacher looks like him and i think he's hot, so that'll be fun ;)

lessons are alright, got some homework, but it's only a matter of time untill i start counting down the days until summer again. but no use complaining, i'll only want to go back to school when it's all over.

mer...

so i havn't written in exactly a week, but the reason being is i've had nothing to post about. my life is pretty boring.

although my friend slept round on saturday and i went to my grandma's on sunday. not that that is interesting to you. but aaaaah well :)

i'm having a major issue with my so-called sister. i'm actually beginning to despise her. and i hate saying that, you're not meant to hate your sibling, but that's the way it is heading. so don't know how this is going to turn out.

i'm back to school in two days, the big year 1-0. well, people are making a big deal out of it. 'it's so scary.' yeeaah you said that about year 9 and that wasn't scary. i'm just interested in getting my timetable and getting back into the routine. the funny thing is, i was complaining about having routines, and feeling like i have to follow a schedule, but with school, it's nice to have order and know what is going on, other things? not so much. waterloo road is back tomorrow night *cheer*, which is good. i suppose in a way, it'll get me in the mood for school? if that makes sense? so i'm kinda glad that it is back on tomorrow night. i'm all set to go, got all my equipment etc. you buy all this stuff and chances are you won't use half of it :L but it doesn't hurt to buy it just in case ;) the sad thing is i'm kindaa looking forward to going back to school, but i say that now, and by friday i'll be counting down the days until the summer again :L but at least i can look back on this summer and smile. it was a good holiday, i mean first holiday abroad with the family? a-maz-ing, despite the horrendous heat, but that's another story!

i'm going to make the most of my last day of freedom tomorrow, starting with a long lie-in, then seeing the boyfriend, followed by waterloo road. looks like tomorrow is going to be good, so i'm all set to go :)

i'm also very proud of myself, i've read two books in two days. well that's a lie, one of the books i've read because we are studying it in english next year, but i only know this because i overheard my english teacher telling the smartest girl in our class that we were studying it, and what annoyed me is the fact that she gave her the book to read so she could get a headstart. she could've given the book to someone with not as much intelligence. now if she gets a good grade she's going to go around and rub everyone's noses in it. and i read a book that is my friends that i've had for ageeeeeeeeees, so i thought i would dump that on her on the first day back. how nice am i? ;)

my school bag is sat on my floor all packed ready for me to pick up on thursday. i've left it in a stupid place, i wake up to it every morning and it reminds me that i have school soon :/
anyway
au revoir (pronounced olive war in my case :L)

boredom has sunk in.

so i've done today either. i'm sat at the dining room table, iPod headphones in my ears, although i'm not listening to anything at all. and i'm bummed. i have to go back to school next thursday. kinda scared, starting GCSE's, but kinda excited, because i get to see people i havn't seen for ages. so it's good :)

i'm pretty proud of myself too, i've uploaded two videos onto youtube. http://www.youtube.com/user/HannahMarieButtriss
^ the link to my channel. watch them both. they're JLS videos i warn you ;) but yeah, and i also wrote into bliss and did the story thing. the theme was 'my green dress'. i found it very hard to find a decent storyline. but i did it.

so that's what i did yesterday and today, nothing exciting. but my life is pretty boring :)

i'm seeing my boyfriend tomorrow, which'll  be good i guess :/

so that's what i've been up to. anyone beat it :P?

sunday :/

i'm actually so bored, have nothing to do that i'm writing in my blog for the 3rd time today. i've sat on my computer all day, as i said i would earlier, and i havn't moved at all.

i was thinking of tidying up my room, but i got rid of that idea the minute i thought of it, sunday is the day of rest, and tidying up isn't resting! so my plan, made up just now, is to move my computer so i'm sat on my  bed with it, instead of on the desk, and put on a couple of friends episodes, just the way to make me smile on a boring sunday afternoon. and then later on i'm going to try for the millionth time to get back onto the JLS website, it isn't working for me today :( sad times SAD! it's hasn't been all day, so i did what i've done for the past 4 days in a row. watched JLS videos on youtube. because i'm that sad, and i have nothing to do. but i did enjoy it, alot. i mean who wouldn't want to sit on their computer and laugh their head off all the time? oh and get to see aston merrygold ;) now that is good. so yeah.

                                               plan for sunday (or what is left of it.);

                                              * sit on bed. (lousy, but i plan to do it.)

                                              * watch friends episodes.

                                              * try JLS website.

                                             * watch JLS videos.

                                             * play another game of solitare and purble place

so yeah?

i woke up this morning to the sun shining, which is always a nice way to start off your day isn't it? anyway, i sat up in bed and had a nice cup of tea made especially by my mother and sat staring at my aston merrygold and jls shrine just to the right of my bed. i'm actually obsessed with them. if you were in my shoes for even a day you would see just how obsessed i am. but anyway, i tend to look at my posters in the morning before i get the energy to get up and do something. which can take a long time. some days longer than others, just depends on what my schedule is for that day.

but today i have nothing planned. absolutely nothing. i went on the cross-trainer earlier, which is about the only bit of exercise i do out of school. i'm a pretty darn lazy person. but that's just how i roll ;) so i did my 'exercise' and had a nice bath. which is always a good thing. after my bath i started singing and dancing around my room to my iPod on full blast. you have three guesses to who i was listening too :), i did my hair and turned my computer on. and this is where i will stay for the rest of the day i guess. only moving to have lunch, dinner and to get drinks. i'm an actual hermit. it's the summer holidays and i've barely been out. but it's not that i don't want to go out at all. it's because my friends are busy. some of them i havn't seen all holiday. but that's because they rarely make the effort with me. i've only seen one of my friends, and that's katrina, and i've only seen her twice. my other close friend becca, well, i havn't seen her since we broke up in JULY! but her mother is iffy and grounds her at the littlest thing so you have to give her that. but at least i have my boyfriend, so i have something to do. and i did go on holiday as well. but yeah. my friends aren't people who like the outside, sometimes i think they are vampires in disguise.

there's under two week until we go back to school now. year 10 -wow. it seems like only yesterday i was in reception, or starting secondary school. jesus time really does fly. and i wasn't even having fun  whilst it did! i'm kinda looking forward to going back to school. at least i don't have to do the subjects i absolutely hate any more. except maths - eurgh! and it's a whole new scheme, if you get what i mean. but it's scary too, because this actually matters. i mean it mattered in the past, but this is my future that this affects. scary!

but i'm not going to let it bring me down. and i'm going to try and salvage the rest of my holiday and make the most of it, so here's to summer! however crappy it may be right about now!

i'm a space bound rocket ship.

i'm a 14 year old girl, and i'm pretty normal. well, i'm my interpretation of normal. i don't have a wacky taste in music. i don't have a unique dress sense. i don't do any extra-curricular activities. and i don't shine out for any particular reason. from reading that, i'm pretty sure you are close to thinking i'm a boring person and that i have no qualities at all. but trust, i'm not like that at all. some people tell me that i'm funny? if that's a quality? i'll do my best to make you smile when you are down and i'll be there for you when everyone else has abandoned you. that's me :)

i want to be a teacher of special-needs or a social worker when i'm older. these are my choices because i want to help children who don't have a life like you and me, have the best one possible. i want to feel like i have made someone's life better and helped them achieve their potential.

the ironic thing is, i can give other people advice, and help them through tough times, but i can never use my own advice. i always run to my mother, or close friends. but it's in human nature to run to someone who gives you solace when you feel low. and when you are low, you don't think straight and try to get yourself out of the mess. you rely on those around you, and it's times like those when you realise who is going to be there for you when no one else is. and truth be told, alot of the time, alot of people will run away. because on the first sight of danger, we run away, because we are selfish, self-centred and scared.

this is just a little peek at life through my eyes. it takes 15 seconds to judge someone, lets see what your view is of me in the time it took you to read this.